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So far Butler has created 16 blog entries.

The Holiday Season

How can Virtual Mediation Help Your Holidays?

Virtual Mediation can help smooth the holidays.

Divorcing couples or recently divorced couples commonly experience some sadness over the holidays. If they have young children the feelings of loss and grief can be even greater. Underlying these feelings of holiday loss and sadness are often deeper layers of emotions including the frazzled feelings from shopping and gift giving, frustration […]


What is the Best Pace for Divorce Mediation?

What is the Best Pace for Divorce Mediation?

One important benefit of divorce mediation is the parties control the tempo of the process. Usually the divorcing couple can sustain a tempo or time line that works adequately for both of them.

Unfortunately, there are occasions when the parties are not in alignment on the pace. This imbalance can carry a huge emotional charge which can lead […]


11 Do’s and Don’ts when Getting Ready for Divorce Mediation

Do’s and Don’ts When Beginning With Divorce Mediation

While every couple going through a divorce presents a different personality profile and every case has different factual and legal issues, there are some “do’s and don’ts” that have helped many couples experience the best possible outcome in terms of fairness and reasonableness through divorce mediation. Here is a list that would be helpful to most couples. […]


Should We Work Out Some Issues in Advance of Going to a Divorce Mediator?

Before Going to a Divorce Mediator

As a divorce mediator, I am frequently asked by couples contacting me for the first time, “What do we need to do to prepare for mediation? What do you need from us?” It’s a good question; by asking it most couples are indicating they want the process to move forward as smoothly and efficiently as possible.


Divorcing and Can’t Communicate at All?

What To Do When You Just Can’t Communicate

How can we get our divorce through mediation when we absolutely cannot communicate?…I mean we never (ever) want to be in the same room again!

I have had some utterly heartbreaking divorce cases over the years. Couples who were once in love are not just ending their marriage; they are utterly demolishing any semblance of the idea of […]


A Letter From a Satisfied Client

Feedback We Appreciate

Note from John: Couples who are considering a divorce mediator usually want to have some idea of what to expect in how their mediation process will be facilitated. A client whose case is now closed wrote me a letter of appreciation. With their permission, I share this letter with you, because it describes their experience of my mediation services in a straight-forward […]


Child Custody Mediation Questions

9 Common Child Custody Mediation Questions

Legal custody, physical custody and visitation embody very different concepts and parents need to clearly understand them in order to make good decisions in their divorce. This article will answer many of yours child custody mediation questions.

1. What is Legal Custody?

“Legal custody” is the term used (at least in California) to […]


Divorce Mediation With Children

Divorce Mediation and Family Issues

Ending a marriage while raising minor children is difficult on every level – emotional, financial, social, familial, physical and, for many, spiritual. Along with the normal emotions associated with a failed relationship and the legal issues which must be sorted out in any divorce, the impact on the children adds almost insurmountable complexity. This article offers perspective on some of the issues and […]


Divorce Mediation Without Children

What Happens at Divorce Mediation?

Mediation has become more popular in California for couples going through a divorce. Here are some answers for people without minor children as to what happens at divorce mediations as opposed to more traditional divorce proceedings.

This article is a companion to my article about expectations concerning divorce mediation in California for couples without kids.

We have no minor children, so won’t […]


Mediation Versus Lawyers – What is best for you?

Mediation Versus Lawyers – What is best for you?

A couple going through a divorce has basically three choices:

  • Pay attorneys to advocate for them against their spouse’s attorney, or
  • Try to do their divorce by themselves (DIY), or
  • Work together through mediation.

Here is a look at the pros and cons of hiring lawyers or a mediator. (I previously wrote about advantages and disadvantages of DIY).

Hiring an attorney […]


Mediation Versus Do-It-Your-Self Divorce

Mediation Versus Do-It-Your-Self Divorce – Which is Best?

A couple going through a divorce has basically three choices:

  1. Try to do their divorce by themselves.
  2.  Pay attorneys to advocate for them against their spouse’s attorney.
  3.  Work together through mediation.

Here is a look at the pros and cons of trying to do it themselves and/or working together through mediation followed by some analysis based on my […]


Mediation Divorce Cost

Mediation Divorce Cost

Many people do not want to pay a big retainer to get through their divorce. Mediation divorce costs are much lower than cases which end up in court. For one thing, they probably intuitively know that it is unlikely that the case will settle before their entire retainer is used up. If they have divorced friends who have talked with them about their experience or […]


Mediation Benefits-Confidentiality

Mediation Benefits – Confidentiality

Confidentiality in a mediation is a significant benefit to the parties. In general whatever is said in mediation cannot be legally repeated in Court or to any other legal authority. That means that offers made, counter offers proffered, as well as topics discussed cannot be revealed. More importantly, it means that personal issues and topics can be dealt with honestly and directly. It also […]

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